#31 Happy Birthday my eternal child
24th June ... Happy Birthday to a child long gone, a child ever here
As my son Utkarsh’s PRESENCE turns 32 today, please join me in singing his Happy Birthday song
Your calm smile of emergence This day, 32 transient years ago A smile in the wake of solstice That fiery heat held in rejoice A smile that ushered new rain A smile that healed my pain Your smile of endearing wonder A smile that awed the doctors A smile, sans the baby cry Tap, tap, tap they kept trying Uneasy air filled with worry A smile so quiet and gentle A smile that calmed anxiety Your smile was not born to cry A smile that knew better A smile forever in quest A smile infinitely curious A smile so true, so earnest A smile of kind courage A smile divinely blessed Your smile of deep resilience A smile of quiet generosity A smile that never spoke A smile of will and grit A smile that never broke A smile of wit and humour A smile of jest and joke Your smile that sang quiet joy A smile that easily hid pain Why, just why? I ask today A smile that rarely slept One day so quietly slept away A smile that had filled my life In my arms, lifeless it lay Your smile that said Goodbye A smile I have been longing for Nine years & nine months since A smile I don’t find anywhere A smile gone with fate’s torrents A smile they say died in 2014 A smile I know lives forever on Your transcendent smile of grace Today we gifted your smile to A talented and gritty young girl Your smile is now her smile too Courage to grow it will unfurl A smile I now see everywhere Your smile is now eternal Your ever alive smile of PRESENCE Happy Birthday my eternal child Happy Birthday my precious Son May you be the light of eternity Calm as moon and bright as sun
Dear Friends
Special days are inexplicably hard for those in grief. The birthday of a deceased loved one even more so.
God forbid if you are in the dreadful club of bereaved parents - each day is bleak, each night barren. And your child’s birthday - only your shattered heart knows what it bears.
Pain. Intense pain. Immense pain. An infinite blackhole of pain.
Yet a bereaved parent’s pain also knows how to create space for love. For it is in the mortal womb of love, that your child came to life. And it is in the eternal womb of love that your child will re-emerge as PRESENCE.
So get up my dear friend - celebrate your child’s birthday. Even when gone, a child never really melts into nothingness. Not for the parent. Give yourself your hand of resilience, invoke your deep quiet love, seek it to heal your pain, and nudge yourself to organise your child’s birthday celebration. Like my younger son Pratyush inspired us to do today, as he has been every single surreal birthday of mortally absent Utkarsh’s immortal PRESENCE.
We launched UTKARSH Fellowship program - our third such endeavour in the nine years and nine months since my son Utkarsh became eternity. Happy to introduce you to Shamal Sarjerao Shingare the first recipient of UTKARSH Fellowship that comprises cash award, and a comprehensive bouquet of support for Shamal’s academic and leadership journey. Please join me in applauding Shamal who is an exemplar of resilience, courage and compassion, rising to excel in her school studies in the midst of indescribably challenging circumstances. She aspires to become a Doctor to ensure that no one dies in the absence of medicare in the disadvantaged tribal belt of Maharashtra that she comes from, like her father’s precious life was lost. Please join me in praying and wishing that Shamal’s dreams are accomplished. That Shamal’s grit and talent flourish and soar the skies. That she becomes a beacon of hope and strength for more girls like her in the extremely trying circumstances of the socio-economic background she comes from.
Let your gone child resurrect in a legacy mission, in a cause that they held dear to heart. Like my son Utkarsh who at the tender age of eight years and four months began volunteering at an afternoon school for girl child from disadvantaged background. Within weeks he began his pavement library project that he ran all by himself with little help from me. A project he passionately believed in and steadfastly served all of his ephemeral life of 22 years and three months. A project my younger son Pratyush and I have been taking forward with love, meaning and resilience by setting up outreach libraries for children from disadvantaged background. So far we have set up 12 static and one mobile library, and contributed to several ongoing libraries.
Utkarsh lived by his privately held motto -
“Serve quietly and do what you can”
&
“Read, learn, grow, and share forward”
Whenever a life-storm (and there have been too many to count) enveloped me in fear and pain, he tenderly nudged me -
“Mamma, be half a smile. Full will follow itself.”
&
“Above all, remember to hope & smile.”
His motto, his nudge and his smile have since become mine.
If you liked what I shared, I nudge you to let your heart sing the song of celebration of your loved one’s life. Cut the cake. Even if privately. And sing Happy Birthday. We just did at 9.27 pm - the time Utkarsh was born in 1992.
Resurrect your forever child’s PRESENCE with a legacy mission of meaning and love. You would love the countless smiles of those, whose lives you would touch and transform. Shamal’s serene smile in the picture above is a loving inspiration. Isn’t it! And if you are still here with me, please allow me to invite you to partake Utkarsh’s birthday song from last year’s post.
I have given voice to my grief as a bereaved mother in my book A Mother’s Cry .. A Mother’s Celebration. And I have shared in my book Grief ~ Growth ~ Grace – A Sacred Pilgrimage the grief expertise and wisdom that has emerged from my long practice as a ‘Grief & Growth’ Specialist, and ‘Resilience, Purpose & Transitions Coach’; from what I have learnt from my mentor and other experts; and all the grievers who allow me to companion them in their grief journey. I have also shared tiny glimpses of my own lived grief journey. It is both a professional reference book as well as a self-help companion.
Hope you read and like my books and/or gift to someone on a grief journey, or grief practitioners. Please leave your review on Amazon & Goodreads.
Feel free to reach me at growwithneena@gmail.com if you need counselling, therapy, coaching, expert companioning support, training, mentoring in the ‘Grief & Growth’ or ‘Resilience, Life-Purpose, Loss & Transitions, or Ageing’ realms.
Stay tuned to continue learning more about the complex phenomenon of grief, my six-phase GROWTH Mandala model, and to develop Grief-Wisdom.
Keep singing song of life. And remember to hope, love & smile.
Hoping my writing resonates with you, please mark a LIKE, and
Thank you for this piece and sharing Utkarsh with the world. Happy birthday to that beautiful soul. Sending you gratitude and kindness.
Happy birthday to Utkarsh. And such a beautiful way of continuing his legacy. Warm wishes.