#27 Blossom by Blossom

Grief is trying at all times of the year. Even Spring? Yes, perhaps harder… And yet… life continues to flower… blossom by blossom

Albert Camus famously said, “Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” 

Spring, I say, is the second autumn, for those in grief. No flower seems lively and luminous enough to evoke faith, awe, hope, resilience and love. The feeling is generally difficult for all grievers, but particularly more pronounced and piercing for those who lost their loved ones in the otherwise colourful times of spring. So what if the poet Algernon Charles Swinburne thinks otherwise –  

For winter’s rains and ruins are over,
And all the seasons of snow and sins…
And time remembered is grief forgotten,
And frosts are slain and flowers begotten.

~ Algernon Charles Swinburne

How evocative! He is right of-course. After-all, as the long, cold, dark and dull spell of winter gets over - the vibrant spring should feel like the harbinger of hope, renewal and fresh growth. It should ideally be the time to savour colours of cheer. Not for those in grief though. It is hard for them to contemplate seeds of hope and flowers of renewal and growth, when grief is frosted deep within their heart and psyche. While the world rejoices the splash of colours on the canvas left bleak and barren by winter, those in grief can actually feel blinded by the sudden burst of colours and verve of spring.

Grief for itself knows no calendar. It has no particular cycle. Its spurts and waves have their own way, often so painfully wayward. Grief does not favour or spare a season. But the grievers know seasons. And they have memories. Spring, for most of us has the sweetest memories. The ones of warm celebrations of life with our deceased loved ones - remain particularly vivid, and come haunting with every turn of a new spring. Even as we are still trying to soothe our pain, spring can re-scratch the raw wound of loss and grief. The reality hits hard when we realise that we can never ever re-live those life-affirming experiences again with our deceased loved one.

For as long as the winter lasts, most people remain huddled at home - and it feels easier to stay away from the social buzz. But as spring ushers in pleasant weather, and the world is vivacious, energetic and perky - grief and sorrow stare one in the face. It is not uncommon for spring to trigger even more pain and isolation for those feeling frozen in the cold layers of their grief.

Thankfully, the mother nature does not leave us alone. It has gentler hues and calmer vibes as well, as if just for its children in grief - to soothe and heal them, and help them re-grow. The legendary Japanese poet and Buddhist monk, Kobayashi Issa, the one among the revered “Great Four” haiku poets, puts it so evocatively –

a world of grief and pain
flowers bloom
even then

~ Kobayashi Issa

At the surface this verse seems to be about grief and pain. The poet actually wrote this haiku after the death of his child. But if you contemplate soulfully, more meanings emerge. The fact that flowers bloom, can feel both cruel as well as a kind reminder of life. The indifference of flowers as they bloom even as the poet is grieving, can add more hurt to the already sore wound. OR - the gritty bloom of flowers can re-kindle faith and hope that no matter how trying and painful it gets, life continues to grow and smile.

The Polish poet and Noble Laurette Wisława Szymborska chooses to allow spring and her grief be acceptant of each other.

I don't reproach the spring 
for starting up again.
I can't blame it 
for doing what it must 
year after year.
I know that my grief 
will not stop the green. 

~ Wisława Szymborska

And Issa, as the great poet Kobayashi Issa was fondly known, a pen name meaning cup-of-tea, chooses the cup of faith, hope and wonder.

what a strange thing
to be alive
beneath cherry blossoms

~ Kobayashi Issa

Photo by Freddie Addery on Unsplash. Used with gratitude.

The poet Algernon Charles Swinburne too muses a similar sentiment, as he goes on to affirm at the end of the poem that I cited in the early paras of this post –

And in green underwood and cover,
Blossom by blossom the spring begins.

~ Algernon Charles Swinburne

Photo by Jack Blueberry on Unsplash. Used with gratitude.

Your life-view is entirely your choice, your call.

Just remember that mother nature continues to unfurl new life, blossom by blossom. Like the sublime and quiet cherry blossoms, surviving the frost with sure grit and immense grace - our grief too knows how to make peace with the loss, and how to receive new sprouts of hope, resilience, meaning and love. I have no magic wand to help you do so. Here are just a few of the many creative ways you could embrace spring while on your grief journey –

1. Seek calm and solace in the lap of mother nature. As hard as the spring sheen and buzz feel, there are many quiet ways that mother nature holds you through your pain, and helps you find strength within to keep moving with life nonetheless. Consider going on a nature walk, in a less crowded city forest or nature trail.

2. While the world and the season may be prodding you to “wear positivity”, it is ok for you to stay snuggled in your grief if that is what feels like your truth in the moment. Please do not take pressure to mask positivity, which by the way can be a painful myth sometimes, more so in grief.

3. A sense of gratefulness is natural to arise in the season of spring. Allow it. It is not alien to grief. In-fact a life-stance of gratefulness can have a balming effect on the grieving mind and heart. But please do not think of it to be an antidote to grief. And yet, allow the cheer of spring to be acknowledged with gratitude. You can do this while still being true to your grief.

4. Consider having an imaginal conversation with your deceased loved one. Ask them what they would love to see you doing in life, in spring especially so – for yourself, them, and both.

5. Nudge yourself to re-member memories, even of spring. More so of spring. What keeps you bonded with your deceased loved one is love, not pain. Ask your heart and mind to generate strength so you can re-live some of those spring-happy memories. Yes, it seems hard, even impossible in the mortal absence of your deceased loved one. Try kindling and celebrating their eternal presence in your heart.

The list can go long. I would instead encourage you to find or create what works for you. Yes, it is not easy. As a professional helping people affirm and heal their grief and take the path of resilience and meaningful growth, and even more so in my lived wisdom as a bereaved mother - I know how hard it is. And yet, I urge you to let spring be the reason and the time to re-construct a life of meaning and love - in your deceased loved one’s remembrance, and in continued celebration of love and life.

Give yourself permission to partake spring.

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Before I close for today, please accept my apologies for my long silence. I am guilty of staying absent since I last posted on November 24, 2023. From summer to autumn to winter to spring, for some years now, all seasons have only been adding more to my already overflowing platter of hardships and pain. I am feeling overwhelmed. That is the truth. Not the whole truth though. A part of my heart remains busy preserving love, growing strength, finding meaning and celebrating life. And my heart knows how to get my mind on its side. I hope, together they will continue filling me with strength to keep writing with better regularity, deeper wisdom and warmer creativity.

Meanwhile, if you like, you can (re)visit my similar (yet different) piece Spring is here that I had posted around this time during last spring in 2023.

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Hope you find solace, support and strength in my books Grief ~ Growth ~ Grace – A Sacred Pilgrimage and A Mother’s Cry .. A Mother’s Celebration. Please read yourself, and recommend and gift to someone on a grief journey, and to the grief practitioners. I would be happy and grateful to read your review on Amazon & Goodreads. And if you happen to make a social media post about my books &/or newsletter, please do tag me. Please accept my warm gratitude in positive anticipation.

As a ‘Grief & Growth’ Specialist; ‘Resilience, Wellbeing, Purpose & Transitions’ Coach, Practitioner and Trainer; and ‘Appreciative Inquiry’ Expert – I am here to help you in navigating your own grief journey or helping others on a similar path; and re-generating a life of resilience and meaning. I work with individuals, families, groups and organizations. Please feel free to reach me at growwithneena@gmail.com if you need (whether in personal, family, professional or organizational context) counselling, coaching, therapy or training in grief healing, resilience, wellbeing, post-traumatic growth, life-purpose clarity, and appreciative inquiry. And please share forward my coordinates with those in similar need.

Stay tuned to continue learning more about the complex multi-layered phenomenon of grief, my six-phase GROWTH Mandala model; and to cultivate, deepen and spread #GriefWisdom and #GriefSensitivity.

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Gratitude & love.