#14 Grief-responsive employee engagement
‘Grief-Wisdom at Workplace’ Series - Post #1
“Grief is the elephant in the room that everyone can see,
but no one wants to even acknowledge, leave aside talk about it.
The experience becomes even more isolating when you are at workplace
while immersed in your grief journey.”
~ Neena Verma
Those with active professional life spend about two/thirds of their waking day at work. Sometimes even more. Obviously, for a good part of their grief journey, they are surrounded by colleagues, associates or other professional touch-points. It is therefore important that workplaces offer a grief-responsive and compassionate engagement to employees in bereavement or any other non-death loss triggered grief.
Thankfully some organizations have started extending well-being support to affected employees, what with last three years having triggered widespread grief and trauma for entire humankind across the globe. Yet most, if not all, HR systems are left wanting of a dedicated and clear policy on bereavement support and grief care. Undoubtedly a well-crafted HR policy in this regard is the need of the hour. Until that happens, it would be good enough to at-least make an inspired beginning by initiating some specifically designed employee well-being measures aimed at supporting those in grief and trauma.
In this first post in the special series on ‘Grief-Wisdom at Workplace’ I will talk of some elementary things that organizations can and should do to extend compassionate support to employees in grief on account of bereaved and/or any other non-death loss or trauma. I will follow it what employees can do at their own level to support those in grief and trauma, including themselves. In this particular post, my focus is on helping organizations offer grief-responsive employee engagement –
In the immediate aftermath of bereavement –
Send couple of senior employees to represent the organization at the funeral, preferably the HR head and the concerned employee’s reporting manager. Also send a message of grief affirmation and/or compassionate support on behalf of the organisation. Such message and the HR/Function representative should sensitively convey condolences, and express solidarity to the employee suffering loss.
Whether or not such message is accompanied by flowers should be sensitively decided based on the particular socio-cultural background that the concerned employee comes from.
Broadcast a clear and simple message to employees at large about the concerned employee’s bereavement. Remember the purpose is to inform other employees of the unfortunate happening so as to prepare and sensitize them appropriately about how to reach out to, and support the concerned in-grief employee. So, please share only what is appropriate, not necessarily all the information that is available. Sensitize and guide them about what they can and should do.
Also, remember to contact staff that are away on leave or travel, and let them know about the bereavement of the concerned employee. May be some of them are dear colleagues and friends of the bereaved employee, and may want to stand more closely in solidarity with their bereaved colleague/friend.
If some employees show interest to extend extra support, be willing to allow them little time-off from work to attend funeral and/or visit the affected employee. I remember at the time of my son’s transcendence, several people from the organization that I was serving an advisory role at, joined the funeral coming straight from office. Couple of extra sensitive people even supported us with some practical arrangements, something that I can never thank them enough for. Later I came to know that most of these people took leave off their own account, and that some were not allowed to leave office even off their own leave. I felt sad and guilty. In my respectful view, organizational leaders should be gracious and brave to take a humanistic call in such exceptional matters, even if there is no stated policy in this regard.
Not just allowing little time off work, organizations can actually go a step further and arrange vehicle support for such compassionate and supportive employees who wish to reach out to the employee in grief or trauma.
Additionally, be generous to allow time off work and travel support to such employees in travel who show interest to join the funeral in person to extend solidarity with their friend/colleague in their moment of bereavement and grief.
While they are on leave, call the bereaved employee periodically to check on their well-being and offer support in any way possible. You can even consider deputing someone responsible to extend emotional and practical support.
Assure and reassure the bereaved employee that their workload will be taken care of in their absence, and that they should feel no pressure to return to work until they feel ready. I remember how I was regularly sent feelers to join back work, in the guise of good-intention advice that work will be a useful diversion away from work. Reality was that a sizeable chunk of added workload was waiting for me at the workplace. It is hard for me to put in words how such a business-like treatment added to my trauma and pain. In contrast, my husband who himself thought of work as a pain-reliever and joined back soon enough, actually received significant support from his colleagues and seniors. His workload was kept reasonably easy for quite some time. And some people were particularly careful and caring towards him.
Upon bereaved employee’s return to workplace –
Organize a safe and affirmative space (and time) for staff to engage with the bereaved employee and share their feelings.
Be sure to gather willingness and consent of the bereaved employee for such public/group engagement. May be such an employee needs/wants a more private and/or one-on-one engagement. In which case, slowly, gently and patiently gather their need and arrange appropriate support.
If the concerned employee hints at need for professional help or employee well-being support, please be willing to arrange and/or facilitate that. In case you have any commercial concerns around this, just remember that the cost of meaningful and productive engagement lost on account of a bereaved employee’s in-grief state will be far more than the nominal expense on account of professional support you arrange for them.
Assure them that there is no expectation from them to rush up and come up to speed. Allow the performance targets to be eased for some time. Even arrange some additional support by deputing some team-members to chip in their bit and take a little load off the bereaved employee.
Sensitize the immediate work-team and/or colleagues of the bereaved employee about the ‘what’ and the ‘how’ of the compassionate support they can and should offer to the bereaved employee.
Remember, grief is haphazard. The bereaved employee might be feeling stable today, and completely bereft of their life-energy and strength the next day. They may mask a socially correct smile even as a deafening wail is raging inside their hearts. Their cry for help will mostly be silent. It is normal. And ok. What is not ok is for organizational leaders to assume things about the bereaved employee’s wellness or otherwise based on their particular state on a given day. Do seek to talk if you have concerns. Make sure the bereaved employee do not push themselves to perform and deliver more than their state permits, only out of guilt and shame that they may feel of their own, or worse still made to feel by some insensitive remarks by seniors or colleagues.
Importantly, please know that some other employees, especially close colleagues and dear friends of the bereaved employee, may also feel affected by the bereaved employee’s in-grief state. This is particularly likely in the unfortunate case when an employee herself/himself has passed away, and their close colleagues/friends feel a real sense of bereavement and grief. In such a scenario, be willing to arrange necessary support for them as well whether in terms of professional help, or in terms of little ease of workload. Stay tuned for a full post on such a scenario.
What I have shared above is only an indicative list to prompt and stimulate a much-needed but sorely-neglected discussion on the need and way to make organizations Grief-Wise and Grief-responsive.
As a ‘Grief & Growth’ Specialist and ‘Resilience, Purpose & Transitions’ Coach, Practitioner & Trainer, I am here to advise and train organizations for ‘Grief-Responsive Compassionate Engagement’ of employees in grief. I also coach individuals, families and small groups affirm and process their grief, heal and grow from it with resilience, meaning and purpose.
Please feel free to reach me at growwithneena@gmail.com if you need help in, whether for organizational advisory and training; or individual counselling, coaching and therapy in the ‘Grief & Growth’ and ‘Resilience, Life-Purpose, Post-traumatic Growth, Transitions & Ageing’ realms.
Stay tuned to continue learning more about the complex phenomenon of grief, and my six-phase GROWTH Mandala model, and to develop #GriefWisdom. Meanwhile, you may find some solace, support and strength in my books Grief ~ Growth ~ Grace – A Sacred Pilgrimage and A Mother’s Cry .. A Mother’s Celebration. Read yourself and/or gift to someone on a grief journey, or grief practitioners. And if you like my books, please leave your review on Amazon & Goodreads
Above all, remember to hope, love & smile.
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Grief is a feeling with manifest impact on lives of people. But nobody wants address it.
This write up gives a clear pointer to the need to acknowledge it ans also it’s bearings on lives of the impacted and others.
Then it is giving simple steps to the organisations help the employees deal with the impact of grief and this is helpful in retaining the culture of belonging in the organisations.
It is a very important write up to help the organisations to be sensitive to the needs of the staff and also gives simple steps to empathise with and help employees deal with the trauma and grief emanating from losses.
Very strongly recommended !!
Very well structured and written Neena🙏 You come from a space of great sensitivity having traversed the path.It’s a great service to reach out in support of fellow humans who have had a loss.